Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
