yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
