Can i not drive my cunt home
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
