explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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