I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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