I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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