it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
