Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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