You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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