No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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