So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
