I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
