I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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