I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
