I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
