just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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