I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
