Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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