i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i believe in u and ur pee
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
