You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
