he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
