I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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