i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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