well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
