So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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