Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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