I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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