tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
