He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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