2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
