remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
