It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
