I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
