tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
