one two three fourrrrnication!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
