Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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