first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
