Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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