based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
