just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
