You're my little dorito
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
