What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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