do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
