i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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