i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
