Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
