I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
