Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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