anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
