He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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