I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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