she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
