i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
