My hand turned me down
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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