On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
