You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
