One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
