Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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