ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
